White O'Morn Cottage

Need a Good Belly Laugh?

Laughter is the best medicine - so if you are in need of a pick-me-up tonic then prepare for a fit of the giggles. I wish I could say I wrote this but 'fraid not. They were sent to me by e-mail. I just had to share with ye' all...

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies & Household Hints!

If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and hey presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the veggies while you chop away

Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet  seat - use the sink

For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in you veins, (remember to use a timer)

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape, If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them

If you can't fix it with a hammer,  you've got an electrical problem

And finally a thought for the day...Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs

Breaking News in Blogland!!!!:  Angie, my techno-phobe sister, has just left her first independant post on her own blog, "The Old Schoolhouse" on sidebar right hand side....I have been ghostwriting her blog for months and I'm knackered!) It is also a bellylaugher. Please, please leave a comment to encourage her to more hilarious ramblings, I know the stories she has to tell ...and they are well worth reading....but don't tell her I sent ye'...Pam (technophonic sis of technophobic Angie)

WARNING!

This post is dedicated to the following: Colleen, Mary, Teeda and Angie. .....you know who you are girls!

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick flowers in other people's gardens And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple. Jenny Joseph

Disclaimer for the post below this one.....

One of the things we love to do with our cottage is to offer it to friends and family for weekends we can't get up there. This is the poster that greets them. (I don't know how it got all gobbldygookish but I can't fix it so bear with me)...No, I have changed my mind - it's a design feature! Yeeeowh!

(Oh dear, I think I broke Typepad. Can they sue me do you think? Please don't tell them it was me)

Would ye' Like a Little Break in White O'Morn Cottage..At all, at all?

One of the things I like to do with the cottage is loan it to friends and family for weekends when we can't get up there. So- when they arrive this is a notice that greets them!

White O’Morn Cottage,

Curraghnabania Co. Leitrim

Thank you for choosing White O’Morn Cottage for your Country Life Activity

Holiday

!

I’m sure you will enjoy the calendar of events we have lined up for you!

…………………………………………………………………...

5am            Rise & Shine! Milk the cows

6am            Spread the slurry

7am            Get washed and ready – the A.I. man is coming

8am            Bring breakfast in bed to the Bean An Ti  (that’s me!)

9am           Turf cutting competition

10am          Drain the septic tank

11am          Milk the goat (the female)

1 pm           Sheer the sheep

4 pm           Walk the dog!

Kissing the Blarney Stone

You have all heard of the Blarney Stone right? Kissing it is said to give you the gift of the gab. So when I was on holiday near Blarney, County Cork many years ago, we decided we'd have to go and have a little smooch with it. I mean you can't visit Blarney and not kiss it's stone. Right?

Now, no one told me it was way up high. I thought it was a great big rock on the ground and all I had to to do was lean over ...

Nooo noo noo...It's high up in the ramparts of a castle...very high up -  and its outside the castle and you have to lie on your back and hang out backwards over this great height to give it a smackeroo (with a willing local holding on to your legs and don't try this while wearing a skirt!) Not for the fainthearted. 

All I could think of was as I was hanging upside down was  "How did I get into this position? And how do I get out of it? I don't care if I never utter another word ever. I don't want to kiss this stone after zillions of tourists left generations of germs on it"  The old lad had me by the knees and would not haul me up until I had done the deed and the kids were shouting "Hurry up Ma, we want a go" Well of course, I gave it a little peck and have not shut up since! It works!

Bring back hat pins! They're great!

This lovely collection of vintage hat pins arrived from Ebay today. I had been using this swan planter as a pin cushion but felt it was too big for them. The hat pins are perfect for it and they are great for keeping your hat on in high winds. While others are chasing their hats I can stroll along with confidence. They also give any hat a cool vintage look!

If that's not enough my friend Zinda swears she feels safer if she has a hatpin handy to use as a weapon in an emergency! (...and having stabbed myself in the head while attaching my hat I can vouch for their efficiency in this department!)

Tanya asked me how are they used. So here is Hat Pins 101!

After putting your hat on - very carefully push the pin through the fabric catching some hair and then push it through the fabric again. You can use one or two. You can put one on each side or back and front or well...just please yourself! Unless your hair is very short they will secure your hat to your hair.

Below is my everyday modern pink hat with two large pins as I would use them. They sure lift the look of an ordinary hat to an elegant accessory.

The other pictures show a vintage 50's veiled hat with a jewelled hatpin. The vintage one is for sale on my vintage website on the sidebar.

A Nice Cup of Tea!

This one is specially for Therese, our third of four sisters. We have just persuaded her to start a blog of her own. It is on the sidebar called Beadiva. Her thing is handmade jewelery and she is amazing at it. I will be posting pictures of her creations in the next few days. She is coming home soon and asked us what we would like her to make for us (from Swarovski as she is big into that at the mo') So I said "A vintage style hat pin!" and she said "Can do" and Angie said "Miniature perfume bottle for my dolls's house" and she said "Can do" Is there anything she can't do? She made my website too!

Anyway, this is for you Teeda - to give you a laugh...Here is a postcard Angie found and bought it for me as she thought it was the image of me! I don't know what made her think that - as I'm a real rock chick!

Happy St Patrick's Day! & Gaelge 101

Having a fabulous Saint Patrick's Day here in the emerald  isle. Even Barbie is doing Riverdance! Cailín maith a Bharbaí!!! (Pronounced: coll-een -maw-a-warby!)..and means good girl Barbie!

The party started on Fri last and will go on till Tues morning. We like to make sure it is well marked. There will be a grand ol' hooly all over the country on the exact day -17th  March. ..just like Mardi Gras but with rain. Not that rain is allowed to dampen the spirits. Noooo, nooo way!

The country is full of tourists from all over the world and everyone is in great humour. They get an extra warm welcome at this time - especially the Americans who all seem to have some Irish in them! There is a big "Cead Mile Failte" for all. It means - literally "A hundred thousand welcomes" in our beautiful native language - Gaelge. I think it is a really lovely greeting.

You will be able to see some of the shenanigans on www.rte.ie/stpatricks

Want some more Irish? OK- here is Gaelge 101

Grá =love (pronounced graw)

Grá mo crói = love of my heart (graw-maw-cree)

Is maith liom = I like (iss-maw-lum)

Go raibh maith agat =thank you (guh-rev-maw-a-gut)

Slán = bye bye (slawn)

Sláinte! =cheers! (slawn-teh)

Cailín = young girl (Coll-een)

Búachail =young boy (boo-a-coll)

Are you all wondering how I got the fada on to the letters?  No??? Ok then, are some of you wondering? No? ...is anyone wondering how I..... Please, someone wonder...'Cos I'm going to tell you anyway - so give in now.

Fada is the little slanted dash over some of the vowels to give them emphasis. If you hold down the control and alt then tap the vowel you want it on.

Beanachtaí le féile Pádraig! Happy St Patrick's Day! (ban-awk-tee... leh-fay-leh... pawd-rig)  So, off ye' go now and say that to all and sundry. Slán!!!

Dublineese 101 or how to speak English in two different languages...

I recently got a message from Cheapdiva at Cottage Living telling me that when she was in Ireland and she loved the way we did not pronounce our "th"  in words. It's true -we don't - at  least not in Dublin. She said she used to go into the pub every day from three to four just to ask people the time every few minutes, just to hear them say ..."It's tree turty tree"

So let's have a little fun. Here we go...

Dublineese 101. Repeat after me...deez dat dem and doze. Very good -you have mastered: These That Them and Those. The trick is not to stick your tongue out between your teet every time you want to say a "th" word. Sticking your tongue out is very rude anyway and I tink de rest of de world should give it up . Nutting can stop you now!

Here's a little story I wrote meself  (we also have changed my to me) in me native Dublineese. (wit deepest apologies to de English nation whose native language was hurt during de making of dis story)

                                                  De Tale of Tree Trees

...Once upon a time der were tree trees in a ticket of woods. Two trees were quite tick and the udder, turd tree was tin. One day dey decided to go for a walk (HUH??) It happened like dis...one tree said to the udder two trees "Now don't be lookin' at me in dat tone of voice! But I tink I'm after gettin' worms!"

"Ahh sufferin' heart!" said the tin tree and the udder tick tree  said "Sure dat's only wojis - let's get ou'ra here"

So dey uprooted demselves and off dey went saying "If we stay here any longer widout moving we'll all get roomatizzim (or should dat be room-attic fever?")

...to be continued as I have only taut up a beginning, it has no middle or end which does not matter as it has no rhyme or reason eeder!

Happy St Patrick's Day from White O'Morn Cottage and De Old Schoolhouse 

Things an Irish Mother Might Say...

We here in Ireland have a great way with words. It is known as "The Gift of the Gab" ...We didn't kiss the Blarney Stone - we took a bite out of it!

We are also blessed (?) with strange logic. When the two come together we come out with the oddest things.  Things like ...and these were actually said to me..."I'm an atheist - thank God!" and "Ask the back of me arse!" (Is there a front????) (Arse means butt by the way and is in no way an offensive word here so don't be gettin' upset you people above beyond in America)

Or, how about these humdingers..."Do you know what I'm going to tell ye'?" and " Are you reading that paper you're sitting on?"

The worst offenders (or best deliverers) are Irish Mothers. I have one - and I am one - so I am a world expert in this country.

My mother once said to me "I'll take your sacred life!" and " Don't come running to me if you fall and break your leg!"  and "I'll put that smile on the other side of your face!" ...(where is the other side of your face? ...is it anywhere near the back of your arse???)

It is reported that I once said the following spoke to  my teenage sons, on the occasion of their coming home late, this piece of strangled English...(and they understood every word!)...

"You's three are a right pair! You didn't come home last night 'til this morning. If you want to stay here you'll have to get out!"

Now, figure all that out! Happy St Patrick's Day to all Irish Mothers!!!